Monday, January 17, 2011

Early signs of a non-conformist

Today, while sitting in the class and listening to Ranajoy Sir's enchanting lecture on international economics, a memory almost forgotten spontaneously sprung up.
I was in standard third at that time. Due to some event in the family, we had a jar full of toffees in our home. I was allowed to take 1 toffee per day from the jar. Now, there was this fair, innocent-looking and slightly taller than me boy Ravi in the class. Not so bright chap. I had made friends with him only recently. I used to like his company, we made good friends. He saw my habit of bringing a toffee and eating it daily in the recess. He bullied me into bringing a chocolate everyday for him as well. And, if i'm remembering correctly, it was a couple of chocolates more for our(his) friends also. I think this system continued for a week or so. Then one day, one of my unmarried aunts reprimanded me about the fast dipping level of toffees in the jar. I told her nothing about the business with Ravi. Next day, I confronted Ravi, our friendship was broken and he sent me to exile. I know you are following what I'm saying but if you are not sure then let me elaborate that this exile means neither he nor any of his friends would play with me in the recess anymore. I was well aware of this consequence. Ravi had bullied me not with the threat of fighting with me(had he tried that I would not have yielded!) but with the threat of boycotting me. And, boycott he did. After that, i had just a couple of friends in the class who would play with me. I constantly hated and cursed Ravi but i was content and happy with my act of honour and those couple of friends. I guess one to one-and-a-half month passed like this. Then it was the annual exams. One of the first exams was of Art & Crafts. Ravi was seated next to me. He had forgotten his colours. He requested me to share mine with him. Time was not a constraint and sharing was not a problem and i usually would have helped someone who had behaved with me rudely in the past but no- this guy was the leader who had ordered his squad to not to play with me. I decided hell with him. I never gave my colours and since talking in the exams was not allowed, he could not borrow from anyone else; a minor detail- we had 2 seater benches and i and ravi were seated together. I do not know what he did in the exam but he surely would not have failed. Anyways, i love that chance of revenge that dear GOD gave me and the memory of that revenge still leaves a good taste in my mouth. Ahhh!!
I think that this incident was one of the first incidents that really showed that I won't get bullied by numbers or by social pressure. The significance of this incident is not that i confronted the situation, the significance is that even when i was alone i was content because my self-assurance about the righteousness of my deed weighed more than my desire to have lots of friends and be a part of some big society. I have a need for socializing but that doesn't mean anyone can leverage that to his or her advantage at my expense. And here, a non-conformist is born.
Till date, the precedence that was set in standard 3 is bearing its effect as there have been many situations where i was a loner, and a loner by choice i was. One such spell was when i was in 10th class, another one in senior secondary high school and to some extent and for some time, in my undergraduate college also. And it was not always due to some righteous stand that i took, many a times it was for a profit motive as i believed that i could make better use of my time in my way and for my way to happen, i had to be alone. And can't say whether this strategy of being a non-conformist works or not because i know i have grown and seasoned for sure, but i'm not your conventional winner boy.

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